8 Rules for Dating my Daughter

September 2, 2009 by crisy  
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When I was in high school I used to be terrified of my girlfriend’s father, who I believe suspected me of wanting to place my hands on his daughter’s chest. He would open the door and immediately affect a good-naturedly murderous expression, holding out a hand that, when gripped, felt like it could squeeze carbon into diamonds.
Now, years later, it is my turn to be the dad. Remembering how unfairly persecuted I felt when I would pick up my dates, I do my best to make my daughter’s suitors feel even worse. My motto: wilt them in the living room and they’ll stay wilted all night.
“So,” I’ll call out jovially. “I see you have your nose pierced. Is that because you’re stupid, or did you merely want to APPEAR stupid?”
As a dad, I have some basic rules, which I have carved into two stone tablets that I have on display in my living room.
Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure as heck not picking anything up.
Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them.
Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, In order to assure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric staple gun and fasten your trousers securely in place around your waist.
Rule Four: I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing a “barrier method” of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I WILL kill you.
Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is “early.”
Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make YOU cry.
Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process which can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her adam’s apple. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay. Hockey games are okay.
My daughter claims it embarrasses her to come downstairs and find me attempting to get her date to recite these eight simple rules from memory. I’d be embarrassed too – there are only eight of them, for crying out loud! And, for the record, I did NOT suggest to one of these cretins that I’d have these rules tattooed on his arm if he couldn’t remember them. (I checked into it and the cost is prohibitive.) I merely told him that I thought writing the rules on his arm with a ball point might be inadequate-ink washes off-and that my wood burning set was probably a better alternative.
One time, when my wife caught me having one of my daughter’s would-be suitors practice pulling into the driveway, get out of the car, and go up to knock on the front door (he had violated rule number one, so I figured he needed to run through the drill a few dozen times) she asked me why I was being so hard on the boy. “Don’t you remember being that age?” she challenged.
Of course I remember. Why do you think I came up with the eight simple rules?

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The Perfect Love

September 2, 2009 by crisy  
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Everyone longs to give themselves totally to someone, to have a deep soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and completely and exclusively.
But God to a Christian says: “No… Not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and utterly content with being loved by me alone and giving yourself, totally and unreservedly to me, to have an intensely personal relationship with me alone. I love you, my child, and until you discover that only in me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship i have planned for you. You will never be united with another until you are united with me, exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires or longings.
“I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow me to bring it to you. You just keep watching me, expecting the greatest things. Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you. You must wait. Dont be anxious and dont worry. Dont look around at the things you think you want, or at the things I’ve allowed others to have. You just keep looking off and away and up to me, or you’ll miss what i have to show you.
“And then when you’re ready, I’ll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any you would ever dream of. You see, until you are ready, and until the one I have for you is ready, and until you are both satisfied exclusively with me, and the life that I have prepared for you, you wont be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with me and thus The Perfect Love
“And dear one, I want you to have the most wonderful love. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with me and to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty, perfection, and the love that I offer you with myself.

“Know that I love you.
“Know that I am the Almighty God.
“Believe.
“And be satisfied.”

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My Dad My hero

September 2, 2009 by crisy  
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Be they wise men or foolish, tycoons, dukes, or earls,
Paupers or preachers or thieves,
Most fathers are worshipped by their little girls
And, in childhood, each daughter believes

That the man she looks up to can do nothing wrong –
She relies on what children should know:
That Daddies are patient and kind, brave and strong . . .
But, alas, that is not always so.

For too often a little girl’s dreams turn to dust
And her innocent faith starts to crumble
When a man proves unworthy of absolute trust
And she sees her dad falter and stumble.

With scorned fallen heroes the pathway is lined,
They suffer a lonely rejection . . .
But in this simple statement I hope you will find
My assurance that you’re the exception.

If you lay down and quit you would not be denied
A reprieve for a much-deserved rest.
I would bring you a pillow and sit by your side,
Even then I would not love you less.

But I know you’ll go on and continue the race
Until time has completed its course,
Still bearing the standard of courage and grace,
Firmly mounted upon your white horse.

You’re a pillar of strength for your children and wife.
God forbid we should take you for granted,
For I’ve known I was loved every day of my life –
In my heart lies the truth that you planted.

Your unselfish love springs from a bottomless well
Toward the family you’ve nurtured and fed
And, if we couldn’t speak, countless others could tell
How they’ve warmed in the light that you shed.

When counting the blessings I’m thankful are mine,
As so often I’m privileged to do,
In the group photograph among faces that shine
In the foreground’s the image of you.

For your health and contentment I offer a prayer
With my love and a hope that is fervent,
Until God calls you home and He welcomes you there
With a loving, “Well done, faithful servant.”

~Mary Sullivan~

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Quotes for Father

September 2, 2009 by crisy  
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“Any man can be a Father,
but it takes someone special to be a DAD!”

“I cannot think of any need in childhood
as strong as the need for a father’s protection.”
~By Sigmund Freud~
(1856-1939)

“It is a wise father that knows his own child.”
~William Shakespeare~
(1564-1616)

A wise son maketh a glad father.
~Proverb 4:1~

By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right,
he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.
~Charles Wadsworth~

It is a wise child that knows his own father.
~Homer~

When I was a child, I spoke like a child,
I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child;
when I became a man, I gave up childish ways.
~I Corinthians 13:11~

“A man’s children and his garden both reflect
the amount of weeding done during the growing season.”
~Author Unknown~

“The most important thing a father can do
for his children is to love their mother.”
~Henry Ward Beecher~
(1813-1887)

“It doesn’t matter who my father was;
it matters who I remember he was.”
~Anne Sexton~
(1928-1974)

Dad ~ a son’s first hero ~ a daughter’s first love

A father is someone you look up to no matter how tall you are

“Fathers, like mothers, are not born.
Men grow into fathers-
and fathering is a very important
stage in their development.”
~David M. Gottesman~

Hell hath no fury like a Dad whose tools are messed up.

I’m just as lucky as I can be for the world’s best Dad belongs to me.

My heart belongs to Daddy!

The greatest gift I ever had came from God . . . I call him DAD!

It’s easy for a father to hear himself talking
All he has to do is listen to his children!

More than a father, more than a friend
Our love has no limit, our friendship no end

One proud poppy owns this shirt!

A proud grandpa lives here.

God couldn’t be everywhere so he created Fathers and Grandfathers.

Dad dreams, he plans, he struggles that we might have the best -
His sacrifice is quiet, his life is love expressed.

Grandpas are earth’s angels

Grandparents are God’s way of compensating us for growing old.

A father is neither an anchor to hold us back,
nor a sail to take us there,
but a guiding light whose love shows us the way.

If I had known grandchildren were this much fun -
I would have had them first!

Living is like shaving – no matter how good you do it today
you still have to do it again tomorrow.

Children aren’t happy with nothing to ignore,
and that’s what parents were created for.
~Ogden Nash~
(American humorist)

The place of the father in the modern suburban family
is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf.
~Bertrand Russell~

“Blessed indeed is the man who hears
many gentle voices call him father!”
~Lydia M. Child~

“One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters”
~George Herbert~
(1640)

If the new American fathers feel bewildered and even defeated,
let them take comfort from the fact that whatever they do in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.
~Bill Cosby~

“To her the name of father was another name for love.”
~Fanny Fern~

That is the thankless position of the father in the family;
the provider for all and the enemy of all.
~J. August Strindberg~
(Swedish writer)

“They didn’t believe their father had ever been young;
surely even in the cradle he had been a very, very small man in
a gray suit, with a little dark mustache and flat, incurious eyes.”
~Richard Shattuck~

“A father is a guy who has snapshots in his wallet
where his money used to be.”
~Author Unknown~

The longer I live the more convinced I become that God governs
in the affairs of men. And have we now forgotten that powerful
friend? Or do we imagine we no longer need His assistance.
~Benjamin Franklin~

A man’s desire for a son is usually nothing but the wish
to duplicate himself in order that such a remarkable pattern
may not be lost to the world.
~Helen Rowland~

A man knows he is growing old because he begins
to look like his father.
~Gabriel Garcia Marquez~

“I am the true vine and my Father is the gardener.”
~John 15:1~

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath:
but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
~Ephesians 6:4~

Hear, ye children, the instruction of a father,
and attend to know understanding.
~Proverbs 4:1~

“If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts
unto your children, how much more shall your
Father who is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?”
~Matthew 7:11~

“If the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.”
~Matthew 15:14~

“Since the house is on fire, let us warm ourselves.”
~Italian Proverb~

“There is nothing which we receive with so
much reluctance as advice.”
~Joseph Addison~

“Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today.”
~English Proverb~

“Just as eating against one’s will is injurious to health,
so study without a liking for it spoils the memory,
and it retains nothing it takes in.”
~Leonardo da Vinci~

“To feed men and not to love them is to treat them as if
they were barnyard cattle. To love them and not to respect
them is to treat them as if they were household pets.”
~Menicius~

“What is this life, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare?”
~W.H. Davies~

“If the hat is missin’…I’ve gone fishing.”
Dad!

“Old Fisherman never die, they just smell that way.”

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Poems, Quotes & Stories

May 15, 2009 by admin  
Filed under HP_Left_SiteMap, Sitemap

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Poems, quotes and stories on almost every topic.  Thousands of pages to uplift you, make you smile, help you with talks, speeches, lessons or just  get through the day!

This is a VERY long list. I think the search feature is more effective but if you’d like to browse the posts under this category, they are listed below. You can also use CNTL F to find certain words on this page.

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