Family Tree of Vincent Van Gogh
His dizzy aunt ———————————————– Verti Gogh
The brother who ate prunes——————————- Gotta Gogh
The brother who worked at a convenience store —— Stop N Gogh
The grandfather from Yugoslavia —————————– U Gogh
His magician uncle ——————————– Where-Diddy Gogh
His Mexican cousin —————————————- A Mee Gogh
The Mexican cousin’s American half-brother ———— Gring Gogh
The nephew who drove a stage coach ————— Wells-far Gogh
The constipated uncle ————————————- Can’t Gogh
The ballroom dancing aunt ——————————– Tang Gogh
The bird lover uncle ————————————– Flamin Gogh
The fruit-loving cousin ————————————– Man Gogh
An aunt who taught positive thinking —————— Way-to-Gogh
The little bouncy nephew ———————————– Poe Gogh
A sister who loved disco ————————————– Go Gogh
And his niece who travels the country in an RV — Winnie Bay Gogh
I saw you smiling . . . there ya Gogh!
Maxine – The always funny lady!!
An assortment of funny Maxine images. Guaranteed to make you smile!
Sick Leave
I urgently needed a few days off work.
But, I knew the boss would not allow me to take leave.
I thought that maybe if I acted ‘Crazy’ then he would tell me to take a few days off.
So, I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises.
My co-worker (who’s a blonde) asked me what I was doing.
I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb,
So that the Boss might think I was ‘Crazy’ and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked,
‘What in the name of good GOD are you doing?’
I told him I was a light bulb.
He said, ‘You are clearly stressed out.’ Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.’
I jumped down and walked out of the office…
When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her, And where do you think you’re going?!’
(You’re gonna love this….)
She said, ‘I’m going home too. I can’t work in the dark.’
2 elderly friends…
Bill and Sam, two elderly friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.
One day Bill didn’t show up. Sam didn’t think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something. But after Bill hadn’t shown up for a week or so, Sam really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Sam didn’t know where Bill lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.
A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Bill, but one day, Sam approached the park and — lo and behold! –there sat Bill! Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, ‘For crying out loud Bill, what in the world happened to you?’
Bill replied, ‘I have been in jail.’
‘Jail?’ cried Sam. ‘What in the world for?’
‘Well,’ Bill said, ‘you know Sue, that cute little blonde
waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?’
‘Yeah,’ said Sam, ‘I remember her. What about her?’
‘Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89
years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pled ‘guilty’ ..
‘The damn judge gave me 30 days for perjury.’
Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading to or over 70!
01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
02. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
03. No one expects you to run–anywhere.
04. People call at 9 pm and ask, did I wake you?
05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
07. Things you buy now won’t wear out.
08. You can eat supper at 4 pm.
09. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12.. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won’t get much worse.
15 . Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
19. You can’t remember who sent you this list.
And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.
Forward this to every one you can remember —- now!
And Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Funny Cartoons – 1
Here is a great collection of funny sayings and cartoons.
Anything for 20.00?
I t has long been contended that there are male Jokes and there are female jokes, and there are unisex Jokes. Here is a joke I consider a true female joke.
A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when Steven a tall, Exceptionally handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him.
The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her. (As All men will.) Before she could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over and whispered to her, ‘I’ll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00……
On one condition’
Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition Was. The man replied, ‘You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.’
The woman considered his proposition for a moment, And then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, Which she pressed into the man’s hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes, and slowly And meaningfully said….
‘Clean my house.’
(YOU GO, GIRL!)
Funny! Mother Goose Tells The Truth About Middle Age
Always choose the option to view with PicLens 
Photo: That’s My Story
And he knows his math!
I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver, who cut right in front of a pickup truck, causing the driver to drive onto the shoulder to avoid hitting her.
This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his window and gave the woman the finger.
‘Man, that guy is stupid,’ I thought to myself. I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic, and here’s why:
I drive 48 miles each way every day to work.
That’s 96 miles each day.
Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to bumper
Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway.
There are 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles.
That works out to 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.
Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper-to-bumper,I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars.
That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars that I pass every day.
Statistically, females drive half of these.
That’s 18,000 women drivers!
In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS.
That’s 642.
According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying or unrewarding. that’s 449.
According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide.
That’s 98.
And 34% describe men as their biggest problem.
That’s 33.
According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of all females carry weapons and this number is increasing.
That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, has PMS, and is armed.
Give her the finger?
I don’t think so.