Humor: After-Thanksgiving Poem

I ate too much Turkey, I ate too much corn,
I ate too much pudding and pie.
I’m stuffed up with muffins and too much stuffin’
I’m probably going to die.

I piled up my plate and I ate and I ate.
But I wish I had known when to stop,
For I’m so crammed with yams, sauces, gravies, and jams
That my buttons are starting to pop!

I’m full of tomatoes and french fried potatoes
My stomach is swollen and sore,
But there’s still some dessert so I guess it won’t hurt if
I eat just a little bit more!

Loud Thud, A

In the second year of my marriage, we had lost our apartment.
The company that owned the apartments was tearing them down to
reconstruct newer more upscale apartments and we had to move on the spur of the moment. Having few resources, our search was made that more difficult.

There were few apartments in our price range, and nothing that was the
price or size of our old apartment. Many did not take children.
This was most difficult as we had our daughter who was almost 2 at the
time. Finally, we found an second floor apartment that was much too small, and much too expensive, almost double the old rent. Since our oldest daughter was a baby, the management let her sleep in the same room with us.

They “allowed” us to rent from them for seven months.

We were cramped, our king sized bed did not fit in the bedroom, so we
sold it for a song. We put our sleeping materials on the floor since there asn’t room for anything else. There were no funds left over to buy a maller bed.

We finally came to the decision that we both were going to have to
take on two jobs to be able to find a house or apartment that we could
enjoy. So we came to the painful decision to put the baby in a community day care center.

It was heart wrenching to leave her and she cried and grabbed at our
legs as we left her to the care of strangers. Little by little, she got used to staying there, but it was still difficult to leave her.
The week before Thanksgiving, I received a call from the day care center.

I was at work, and the center director told me to stop by her office
as I came to pick up my daughter. I was nervous. I couldn’t think of why she would want to see me. The way our luck had been (there was that biting incident about a week ago) perhaps she was going to dismiss my daughter?

What was I going to do?

With the state of our finances, I had not been in the “holiday spirit”
and I really hadn’t even thought of Thanksgiving. After all, what was
there to be thankful for? Loosing my home? Being bone tired all the time from working two jobs, never seeing my spouse or my baby until we fell into our makeshift bed at night?

So with my heart in my throat, I stepped into the director’s office.
She sat me down and said, “Congratulations, we’re giving your family a
Thanksgiving dinner with all the trimmings!” as she presented me with a huge frozen bird and a box with all kinds of goodies.

I was in shock, how could this be?

The director smiled and said, “We drew the names of families from each
class, and your family won in your class.”

I was so choked up I couldn’t answer. I said my thanks as best as I
could and dragged the huge box out to the car. When I got home, I
excitedly called my mom as I sorted the box to put away. I pulled out the turkey first and I was telling my mom what was in the box — stuffing, cranberry, rolls, green beans, various pickles, cake and pie fixings, pumpkin, seasonings for the turkey — even a gallon of milk for the baby.

The only thing lacking to make it perfect were potatoes. I am from an
Irish family and a meal wasn’t complete without potatoes. And I guess I’d have to wait for those since we didn’t get paid until the next week.

As I unpacked the box I heard a noise on the balcony. It startled me
because it was a loud thud. I was all alone with the baby and my
imagination started running with me. What if it is a robber?

I told my mom to hold on phone while I put the baby in the crib in the
bedroom.

Cautiously, I peeked around the corner at the balcony. I knew it was
improbable that someone had come in there. After all, we were on the
second floor. The third floor apartment above us had a German Shepherd
dog, so it would have barked had anyone been on his flat. There wasn’t a balcony below us, only a patio.

I didn’t see anyone, only the boxes from moving.

But in the middle of the balcony was a small bag. I told my mom to
continue to hold on. I had to investigate.

I went to the balcony door.

I eased the sliding door open and got a better look at the bag. It
was an ordinary grocery bag. There was something inside the bag. I opened it.

Inside that plastic throwaway bag was a brand new unopened bag of
Irish potatoes!

How it got there, I’ll never know.

I saw no one near our building. Apart from my mom who was on the
phone with me at the time, no one could have known that I needed potatoes.

Perhaps my angel was watching out for me that day after all.
Needless to say , I became more thankful, and our family had a
wonderful feast for Thanksgiving.

By: Dee Avila

Devotional: Live in Thanksgiving Daily

Live in Thanksgiving Daily

Humor: Thanksgiving Recipes by Kids

by Mrs. Geraghty’s Kindergarten Class

NOTE: Mrs. Geraghty will not be reponsible for medical bills resulting from use of her cookbook

Ivette – Banana Pie
You buy some bananas and crust. Then you mash them up and put them in the pie. Then you eat it.

Russell – Turkey
You cut the turkey up and put it in the oven for ten minutes and 300 degrees. You put gravy on it and eat it.

Geremy – Turkey
You buy the turkey and take the paper off. Then you put it in the refrigerator and take it back out and cut it with a knife and make sure all the wires are out and take out the neck and heart. Then you put it in a big pan and cook it for half an hour at 80 degrees. Then you invite people over and eat.

Andrew – Pizza
Buy some dough, some cheese and pepperoni. Then you cook it for 10 hours at 5 degrees. Then you eat it.

Shelby – Applesauce
Go to the store and buy some apples, and then you squish them up. Then you put them in a jar that says, “Applesauce”. Then you eat it.

Meghan H. – Turkey
You cut it into 16 pieces and then you leave it in the oven for 15 minutes and 4 degrees. you take it out and let it cool and then after 5 minutes, then you eat it.

Danny – Turkey
You put some salt on it to make it taste good. Then you put it in the oven. Then you cook it for an hour at 5 degrees. Then you eat it.

Brandon – Turkey
First you buy it at Fred Meyer. Then you cut it up and cook it for 15 hours at 200 degrees. Then you take it out and eat it.

Megan K – Chicken
You put it in the oven for 25 minutes and 25 degrees and put gravy on it and eat it.

Christa – Cookies
Buy some dough and smash it and cut them out. Then put them in the oven for 2 hours at 100 degrees. Then take them out and dry them off. Then it’s time to eat them.

Irene – Turkey
Put it on a plate and put it in the oven with gravy. You cook it for 1 minute and for 100 degrees. Then it’s all cooked. Your mom or dad cuts it and then eat.

Moriah – Turkey
First you cut the bones out. Then you put it in the oven for 10 hours at 600 degrees. Then you put it on the table and eat it.

Vincent – Turkey
You cut and put sauce on it. Then you cook it for 18 minutes at 19 degrees. Then you eat it with stuffing.

Jordyn – Turkey
First you have to cut it up and put it on a plate in the oven for 9 minutes and 18 degrees. Then you dig it out of the oven and eat it.

Grace – Turkey
First you add some salt. Then you put it in a bowl. Then you put brown sugar on it. Then you mix it all together with a spoon and then you add some milk and mix it again. And then you put it in a pan. Then you put it in the oven for 15 minutes and 16 degrees. Then you take it out of the oven and then you eat it.

Alan – Turkey
First you shoot it and then you cut it. And then you put it in the oven and cook it for 10 minutes and 20 degrees. You put it on plates and then you eat it.

Jordan S – Chocolate Pudding
Buy some chocolate pudding mix. Then you add the milk. Then you add the pudding mix. Then you stir it. Then you put it in the refrigerator and wait for it to get hard. Then you eat it.

Whitney – Turkey
Cut it and put it in the oven for 50 minutes at 60 degrees and then you eat it.

Jason – Chicken Pie
Put the chicken in the pot and put the salad and cheese and mustard and then you mix it all together. Then put chicken sauce and stir it all around again. Then you cook it for 5 minutes at 9 degrees. Then you eat it.

Christopher – Pumpkin Pie
First you buy a pumpkin and smash it. Then it is all done. And you cook it in the oven for 12 minutes and 4 degrees. Then you eat it.

Christine – Turkey
First you buy the turkey. Then you cook it for 5 hours and 5 degrees. Then you cut it up and you eat it.

Ashley – Chicken
Put it in the oven. Then cut it up. Then I eat it.

Jennie – Corn
My mom buys it. Then you throw it. Then you cook it. Then you eat it.

Jordan – Cranberry Pie
Put cranberry juice in it. Then you put berries in it. Then you put dough in it. Then you bake it. Then you eat it.

Adam – Pumpkin Pie
First you put pumpkin seeds in it. Put it in a pan and bake it at 5 degrees for 6 minutes. Then take it out and eat it.

Jarryd – Deer Jerky
Put it in the oven overnight at 20 degrees. Then you go hunting and bring it with you. Then you eat it.

Christina – Turkey
Get the turkey. Put it in the oven. Cook it for 43 minutes at 35 degrees. Put it on a plate, cut it up, then eat it.

Joplyn – Apple Pie
Take some apples, mash them up. Take some bread and make a pie with it. Get some dough and squish it. Shape the dough into a pie shape. Put the apples in it. Then bake it at 9 degrees for 15 minutes.

Isabelle – Spaghetti
Put those red things in it. Then put the spaghetti in it. Then cook it in the oven for 2 minutes at 8 degrees.

Bailey – Chicken
Put pepper and spices on it. Cook for one hour at 60 degrees. Then eat it.

Nicholas – White and Brown Pudding
First you read the wrapper. Get a piece of water. Stir. Then you eat it.

Sean – Turkey
Put it in the oven for 5 minutes at 55 degrees. Take it out and eat it.

Lauren – Turkey
First you find a turkey and kill it. Cut it open. Put it in a pan. Pour milk in the pan. Put a little chicken with it. Put salsa on it. Take out of pan. Put it on the board. Cut into little pieces. Put on a rack. Put in the oven for 7 minutes at 10 degrees. Take out of the oven and put eensy weensy bit of sugar on it. Put a little more salsa on it. Then you eat it.

Olivia – Corn
Get hot water and put on stove. Wait for 8 minutes. Put corn in. Then put it on a plate. Then eat.

Siera – Pumpkin Pie
Get some pumpkin and dough for the crust. Get pumpkin pie cinnamon. Cook it for 20 minutes at 10 degrees.

Kayla – Turkey
Buy it. Take it home. Then you cook it. Put it in the oven for 1 hour. Take it out of the oven. Put it on a plate. Then you eat it.

Tommy – Pumpkin
Cook the pumpkin. Then get ready to eat the pumpkin

Wai – Pumpkin Pie
Get a pumpkin. Cook it. Eat it.

Humor: Thanksgiving-Themed Movies

The Top 15 Thanksgiving-Themed Movies

15. To Kill A Walking Bird

14. My Best Friend’s Dressing

13. Thighs Wide Shut

12. The Texas Coleslaw Massacre

11. Casserolablanca

10. The Fabulous Baster Boys

9. 12 Hungry Men

8. Silence of the Yams

7. For Love of The Game Hen

6. I Know What You Ate Last Winter

5. All the President’s Menu

4. White Meat Can’t Jump

3. When Harry Met Salad

2. The Story of U.S.

and the Number 1 Upcoming Thanksgiving-Themed Movie…

1. The Wing and I

Have a great holiday!

Humor: Thanksgiving in the UK

A few years ago, an American and a British journalist were discussing Thanksgiving on a British radio program. The American asked if Thanksgiving was celebrated in the UK.

“Yes,” the British journalist replied, “but we celebrate it on the 6th of September.”

“Why then?”

“That’s when you chaps left.”

Humor: Top Ten Signs You’ve Eaten Too Much Thanksgiving Dinner

10. Hundreds of volunteers have started to stack sandbags around you.

9. Doctor tells you your weight would be perfect for a man 17 feet tall.

8. You are responsible for a slight but measurable shift in the earth’s axis.

7. Right this minute you’re laughing up pie on the carpet.

6. You decide to take a little nap and wake up in mid-July.

5. World’s fattest man sends you a telegram, warning you to “back off!”

4. CBS tells you to lose weight or else.

3. Getting off your couch requires help from the fire department.

2. Every escalator you step on immediately grinds to a halt.

1. You’re sweatin’ gravy.

Humor: ‘Twas the Night of Thanksgiving

‘Twas the night of Thanksgiving, But I just couldn’t sleep.
I tried counting backwards, I tried counting sheep
The leftovers beckoned — The dark meat and white,
But I fought the temptation with all of my might.

Tossing and turning with anticipation
The thought of a snack became infatuation.
So I raced to the kitchen, Flung open the door,
And gazed at the fridge full of goodies galore.
I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes,
Pickles and carrots, beans and tomatoes.

I felt myself swelling so plump and so round,
Till all of a sudden, I rose off the ground !!

I crashed through the ceiling. Floating into the sky….
With a mouthful of pudding and a handful of pie,
But I managed to yell as I soared past the trees …

HAPPY EATING TO ALL !!

PASS THE CRANBERRIES PLEASE !!

Humor: Ode to Thanksgiving

Ode to Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving is upon us, that special time of the year when the whole house gets to be clean at the same time because approximately 100,000 relatives are about to descend to eat a turkey dinner in 20 minutes that took 3 days to prepare, and 5 minutes after they arrive the house looks worse than it did before you spent 3 weeks and several hundred dollars to clean it, shine it, dust it, mop it, wax it, vacuum it, de-cobweb it, wash it’s windows, scrub it’s carpets, not to mention sanitizing the penicillin experiments that magically appear in it’s bathrooms and kitchen, mount an investigation to find out what is taking up all the space in the fridge and throw it all away to make room for $500-worth of groceries so the kids can stand in front of it’s open door and whine, “There’s never anything to EAT in this house”, and above all, banish all the JUNK to the 3-car garage that never has and probably never will have an actual car living in it! But seriously, there are many blessings to be thankful for and I am mindful of many: the love of friends and family, stable employment, good health, and a roof over our heads. However, this year there is one thing I will be especially thankful for – when all is said and done and washed and scrubbed and cooked and put away – I will be thankful that it’s OVER!

Humor: Thanksgiving Outlook

by Elliot Abrams, excerpted from the book,
“Weather Prognosticators and the Media: Fallacies, Facts,
and Fun in Forecasting”, by Norm Macdonald

Turkeys will thaw in the morning, then warm in the oven to an afternoon high near 190 F. The kitchen will turn hot and humid, and if you bother the cook, be ready for a severe squall or cold shoulder.

During the late afternoon and evening, the cold front of a knife will slice through the turkey, causing an accumulation of one to two inches on plates. Mashed potatoes will drift across one side while cranberry sauce creates slippery spots on the other. Please pass the gravy.

A weight watch and indigestion warning have been issued for the entire area, with increased stuffiness around the beltway. During the evening, the turkey will diminish and taper off to leftovers, dropping to a low of 34 F in the refrigerator.

Looking ahead to Friday and Saturday, high pressure to eat sandwiches will be established. Flurries of leftovers can be expected both days with a 50 percent chance of scattered soup late in the day. We expect a warming trend where soup develops. By early next week, eating pressure will be low as the only wish left will be the bone.

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