Church Funnies
A Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as
they were on the way to church service, “And why is it
necessary to be quiet in church?” One bright little
girl replied, “Because people are sleeping.”
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A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with
fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned
them. Then something fell out of the Bible and he
picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old
leaf from a tree that has been pressed in between the
pages. “Momma, look what I found,” the boy called out.
“What have you got there, dear?” his mother asked.
With astonishment in the young boy’s voice he answered,
“It’s Adam’s suit!!”
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Six-year old Angie and her four-year old brother Joel
were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang
and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had
enough. “You’re not supposed to talk out loud in
church.” “Why? Who’s going to stop me?” Joel asked.
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, “See
those two men standing by the door? They’re hushers.”
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My grandson was visiting one day when he asked,
“Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?” I
mentally polished my halo while I asked, “No, how are we
alike?” “You’re both old,” he replied.
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I had been teaching my three-year old daughter,
Caitlin, the Lord’s Prayer. For several evenings at
bedtime, she would repeat after me the lines from the
prayer. Finally, she decided to go solo. I listened
with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right
up to the end of the prayer: “Lead us not into
temptation,” she prayed, “but deliver us some E-mail.
Amen.”
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A little boy was in a relative’s wedding. As he was
coming down the aisle, he would take two steps, stop,
and turn to the crowd. While facing the crowd, he
would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it
went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR, all the way
down the aisle. As you can imagine, the crowd was
near tears from laughing so hard by the time
he reached the pulpit. The little boy, however, was
getting more and more distressed from all the laughing,
and was also near tears by the time he reached the
pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child
sniffed and said, “I was being the Ring Bear.”
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One Sunday in a Midwest city, a young child was “acting
up” during the morning worship hour. The parents did
their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew
but were losing the battle. Finally, the father picked
the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on
his way out. Just before reaching the safety of the
foyer, the little one called loudly to the
congregation, “Pray for me! Pray for me!”
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And one particular four-year old prayed, “And forgive us
our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in
our baskets.”
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One student’s prayer:
“Now I lay me down to rest,
And hope to pass tomorrow’s test.
If I should die before I wake,
That’s one less test I have to take.”
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A little boy was overheard praying: “Lord, if you can’t
make me a better boy, don’t worry about it. I’m having
a real good time like I am.”
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